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In the early seventies, it was believed that only men had sexual fantasies. In fact, the magazine Cosmo even published an article with the title, “Women do not have sexual fantasies, period. Men do.” We nowadays know better and having sexual fantasies, whether you want to act them out or not, is completely natural and healthy. The human tendency to indulge in a range of erotic fantasies stems from the need to satisfy our sexual needs while heightening our feelings of contentment and relaxation with a sexual partner. Now, whether you’re in a single or long-term relationship, it’s normal to feel hesitant about sharing these fantasies with a partner. Let us try to
help you out on this.

4 Things You Need to Know About Sexual Fantasies

1. Your fantasy may be more common than you think. 

Maybe sharing your fantasy with your partner isn’t as risky as you think. The Journal of Sexual Medicine asked over 1500 people about their fantasies in a 2014 study (“What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?”) They discovered 30 sexual fantasies that they considered to be “common” among a large percentage of the respondents. Only a small handful of fantasies were found to be rare or unusual. So even if you think it’s crazy, don’t feel alone—it’s likely that many others share your fantasy. If you’re lucky, maybe your partner even has similar feelings!

See the demographic

 2. Some things are better left unsaid. 

Think about whether you should tell your partner about your fantasies or not. There is definitely some risk involved when sharing your most intimate thoughts. Maintaining a relationship requires honesty, but that doesn’t mean you should tell them about a fantasy that might hurt them. That being said, sharing fantasies can be a great thing—just use good judgment!

3. Sometimes, part of the magic is that it remains a fantasy. 

Do you really want to do this in real life, or is it just something you fantasize about? This can help you decide whether to share it with your partner. If you decide to share your thoughts with a partner, make it clear whether you would like to participate in this fantasy or if you’re content to simply keep it in the imagination. Some things are just sexier when left to the imagination.

4. Fantasizing about others is normal, and usually doesn’t harm healthy relationships—but you may or may not want to share these types of fantasies with your partner. 

A 2001 study in the Journal of Sex Research found that 98% of men and 80% of women had fantasized about someone other than their partner in the previous 2 months! Many couples are open about their celebrity crushes, with some even playfully agreeing on a “free pass” (if either of them has the opportunity to hook up with their chosen celeb, the partner can’t get mad because it was agreed on beforehand!) But this is usually based on the fact that it’s super unlikely for either of you to actually meet your dream hookup. So if you dream of a threesome or you regularly fantasize about people other than your partner, don’t despair. These fantasies are usually harmless and are almost universal.